Friday, July 14, 2006
Crystal Ball'd
It seems that once every four or five months I make a post promising not to neglect my blog anymore and pulling excuses out of my ass like I ate a big loaf of "because of.." bread for lunch. It's weird because a new entry takes, what, five minutes to type (none of my entries are that complicated)? And it's not like I don't think a thousand thoughts a minute... I really don't have any good excuse for NOT updating my blog more frequently except that I tend to forget it exists and that it gets lost in the shuffle between email, a handful of message boards and slices of"because of" bread.
I just wonder what kind of parent I'm going to be (not that anybody I know is pregnant with my seed or anything)...
SCENE: In my house. My blog has entered it's teenage years (and seems to have taken on the traits of a girl...for some reason)
My blog (age 14): Dad?
Me: What?
My blog: Can you take me to the mall?
Me: What? (mutes television) What did you say?
My blog: Can you take me?
Me: Where?
My blog: The mall! Don't you even listen?
Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you!
My blog: Well, can you take me to the mall?
Me: When?
My blog: Now?
Me: Now? Can it wait an hour?
My blog: An HOUR? All of my other friends are going to be there! Angry Chad is already at the mall!
Me: Angry who?
My blog: God, you've met him a thousand times! The guy with the neck...
Me: Oh yeah, the neck guy. Can it wait an hour?
My blog: A whole hour??? By that time they'll be ready to leave!
Me: (roll eyes) Alright...Alright! Five minutes?
My blog: Is the car unlocked?
Me: I don't know.
My blog: Can I have the keys? I'm going to wait in the car.
Me: They're on the counter.
My blog: (in the kitchen) They're not on the counter!
Me: Check by the fridge!
My blog: I AM! They're not by the fridge!
Me: Are you sure?
My blog: I don't see them...
Me: (frustrated...marching into kitchen) They were here a minute ago...
My blog: Oh and can I borrow 20 bucks?
Me: 20 bucks? What about your allowance?
My blog: I spent it at the movies, remember? I told you I did. God, you don't even LISTEN to me!
Me: I'm sorry. I FORGOT!
My blog: It's like you don't even care!
Me: If I didn't care would I be driving you to the mall? Where the HELL are my keys?
(I search my pockets and the keys are in the right. In the other room, on television, a touchdown has been scored. The announcer is freaking out like he's on fire)
Me: Oh great...they scored. Damn Gint's...
My blog: Oh my god. You can hear the TV from the other room, but you can barely pay attention to me when you're standing right in front of me.
Me: Oh, that's not true.
My blog: It SO is..
Me: I'm sorry if I was WATCHING something...I didn't realize I was going to be making a trip to the mall today.
My blog: Can I have 20 bucks?
Me: I thought it was borrow...
My blog: (whiny) Daaaddd...
Me: Here are the keys. Wait in the car.
My blog: So can I have the 20 bucks?
Me: YES! Just wait in the car...
(Five minutes later after the Giants are forced to punt)
Me: (turns off crap pop to the Giant game on the car radio) So how long are you going to be?
My blog: I don't know, just drop me off.
Me: Fine. But what time am I picking you up?
My blog: I don't know. I'll call...
Me: Because I'm not waiting up all night...
My blog: You would if the Giants were on!
Me: Well, the Giants are on NOW and I'm missing it to drive you to the mall!
My blog: You're not missing it! It's on the stupid radio right now!
Me: That's not the same.
My blog: Whatever...
Me: So what time?
My blog: I don't know. Maybe I'll just get Chad's parents to drive me home.
Me: Well, whatever, but let me know. Deal?
My blog: Okaaay...
(we pull up to the mall. I'm pissed because the Giants allowed another TD during the car ride)
My blog: There's Chad. (points to weird long necked guy)
Me: Who's that with him?
My blog: Oh, that's AB.
Me: Why's he wearing a bag on his head?
My blog: I don't know. He's cold?
Me: And what about the guy without a helmet?
My blog: That's seppo and he ALWAYS wears a helmet.
Me: He's not wearing one right now.
My blog: Can I borrow the twenty bucks or not?
Me: (hands over 20 bucks)
My blog: Thanks...bye.
Me: Call me! I don't want to stay up all night!
(My blog joins it's friends at the entrance to the mall. I drive back to catch the rest of the game)
Me: What a neck on that guy...
END SCENE ¶ 11:32 AM
I just wonder what kind of parent I'm going to be (not that anybody I know is pregnant with my seed or anything)...
SCENE: In my house. My blog has entered it's teenage years (and seems to have taken on the traits of a girl...for some reason)
My blog (age 14): Dad?
Me: What?
My blog: Can you take me to the mall?
Me: What? (mutes television) What did you say?
My blog: Can you take me?
Me: Where?
My blog: The mall! Don't you even listen?
Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you!
My blog: Well, can you take me to the mall?
Me: When?
My blog: Now?
Me: Now? Can it wait an hour?
My blog: An HOUR? All of my other friends are going to be there! Angry Chad is already at the mall!
Me: Angry who?
My blog: God, you've met him a thousand times! The guy with the neck...
Me: Oh yeah, the neck guy. Can it wait an hour?
My blog: A whole hour??? By that time they'll be ready to leave!
Me: (roll eyes) Alright...Alright! Five minutes?
My blog: Is the car unlocked?
Me: I don't know.
My blog: Can I have the keys? I'm going to wait in the car.
Me: They're on the counter.
My blog: (in the kitchen) They're not on the counter!
Me: Check by the fridge!
My blog: I AM! They're not by the fridge!
Me: Are you sure?
My blog: I don't see them...
Me: (frustrated...marching into kitchen) They were here a minute ago...
My blog: Oh and can I borrow 20 bucks?
Me: 20 bucks? What about your allowance?
My blog: I spent it at the movies, remember? I told you I did. God, you don't even LISTEN to me!
Me: I'm sorry. I FORGOT!
My blog: It's like you don't even care!
Me: If I didn't care would I be driving you to the mall? Where the HELL are my keys?
(I search my pockets and the keys are in the right. In the other room, on television, a touchdown has been scored. The announcer is freaking out like he's on fire)
Me: Oh great...they scored. Damn Gint's...
My blog: Oh my god. You can hear the TV from the other room, but you can barely pay attention to me when you're standing right in front of me.
Me: Oh, that's not true.
My blog: It SO is..
Me: I'm sorry if I was WATCHING something...I didn't realize I was going to be making a trip to the mall today.
My blog: Can I have 20 bucks?
Me: I thought it was borrow...
My blog: (whiny) Daaaddd...
Me: Here are the keys. Wait in the car.
My blog: So can I have the 20 bucks?
Me: YES! Just wait in the car...
(Five minutes later after the Giants are forced to punt)
Me: (turns off crap pop to the Giant game on the car radio) So how long are you going to be?
My blog: I don't know, just drop me off.
Me: Fine. But what time am I picking you up?
My blog: I don't know. I'll call...
Me: Because I'm not waiting up all night...
My blog: You would if the Giants were on!
Me: Well, the Giants are on NOW and I'm missing it to drive you to the mall!
My blog: You're not missing it! It's on the stupid radio right now!
Me: That's not the same.
My blog: Whatever...
Me: So what time?
My blog: I don't know. Maybe I'll just get Chad's parents to drive me home.
Me: Well, whatever, but let me know. Deal?
My blog: Okaaay...
(we pull up to the mall. I'm pissed because the Giants allowed another TD during the car ride)
My blog: There's Chad. (points to weird long necked guy)
Me: Who's that with him?
My blog: Oh, that's AB.
Me: Why's he wearing a bag on his head?
My blog: I don't know. He's cold?
Me: And what about the guy without a helmet?
My blog: That's seppo and he ALWAYS wears a helmet.
Me: He's not wearing one right now.
My blog: Can I borrow the twenty bucks or not?
Me: (hands over 20 bucks)
My blog: Thanks...bye.
Me: Call me! I don't want to stay up all night!
(My blog joins it's friends at the entrance to the mall. I drive back to catch the rest of the game)
Me: What a neck on that guy...
END SCENE ¶ 11:32 AM
Comments:
<< Home
Later the next day.
Blog: DaaaAAAd!
Kero: WHAT?!
*Kero turns his head abruptly, angrily, in the direction of Blog, accidentally knocking Blog unconscious with his massive auditory receptors. Blog's head hits a corner of the coffee table on the way down and Blog’s body begins convulsing, likely signifying massive brain damage. Kero, wondering what Blog will tell the police if she were to regain consciousness, panics and slits Blog's throat. Almost automatically, before he even realizes what he’s done, he proceeds to dismember and dispose of the body. Through a combination of dumb luck and an uncanny ability to lie not only to others, but to himself as well, Kero manages to make it through the situation undiscovered. His conscience however, never let's him off completely, driving him to an early grave through alcoholism.*
=====
Sorry, I just watched Capote last night, so that may have been a bit harsh, but...don't fuck with The Neck!
Blog: DaaaAAAd!
Kero: WHAT?!
*Kero turns his head abruptly, angrily, in the direction of Blog, accidentally knocking Blog unconscious with his massive auditory receptors. Blog's head hits a corner of the coffee table on the way down and Blog’s body begins convulsing, likely signifying massive brain damage. Kero, wondering what Blog will tell the police if she were to regain consciousness, panics and slits Blog's throat. Almost automatically, before he even realizes what he’s done, he proceeds to dismember and dispose of the body. Through a combination of dumb luck and an uncanny ability to lie not only to others, but to himself as well, Kero manages to make it through the situation undiscovered. His conscience however, never let's him off completely, driving him to an early grave through alcoholism.*
=====
Sorry, I just watched Capote last night, so that may have been a bit harsh, but...don't fuck with The Neck!
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# posted by 
: 6:09 PM
: 6:09 PM
Hi there
Why do dogs eat their poop? One reason dogs eat their poop is because it just plain taste
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eating is that it is an instinctual behavior in the wild to eat the poop to keep other predators
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Some solutions for stopping poop eating are: You can put meat tenderizer on it.
What do you think?
By the way, I love that too! Where did you get that at?
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Why do dogs eat their poop? One reason dogs eat their poop is because it just plain taste
good. Another reason is it could be a vitamin deficiency. One other reason for the poop
eating is that it is an instinctual behavior in the wild to eat the poop to keep other predators
from tracking their movements.
Some solutions for stopping poop eating are: You can put meat tenderizer on it.
What do you think?
By the way, I love that too! Where did you get that at?
Bye, bye - Wendy!
b.blogspot.com>how I make money with paid surveys
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: 10:36 AM
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# posted by : 4:28 AM
: 4:28 AM
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I need help with my computer. I is always freezing when i open IE? What do you think?
Wow, I've found the same to be true too! How did you find that?
See you soon! WonderGirl
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# posted by : 7:09 PM
: 7:09 PM
Hi there
How do you change the size of your monitor?
By the way, I love that too! How did you find that?
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How do you change the size of your monitor?
By the way, I love that too! How did you find that?
See you soon! Girly Girl
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# posted by : 2:46 AM
: 2:46 AM
Hi there
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Bye, - MyGirl!
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# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM<< Home
