Thursday, March 23, 2006
Unsent Letter: Tom Cruise
Dear Mr. Cruise,
Jumping on a fat woman's couch? Pointing a finger and exposing the glibness of a balding morning talk show host? I'm willing to put all of that behind us because your zest for life and your fragile grasp on the concept of "cool" somehow makes you...very, very cool.
Yesterday, I overheard another conversation (sparked by a trashy supermarket tabloid) between two women and apparently, Mr. Tom, neither one is ever going to pay to see one of your movies again (but, in her defense, the fat one looked like a lil' closet pirate anyways). Still, I find their lack of faith deserving and at the very least, they owe you the benefit of the doubt. I mean, you were the coolest back in the early 80s when Risky Business and Top Gun were soaring through the theaters. It's not your fault, that in retrospect, the windmill high five is incredibly uncool and how were you supposed to know that half-nude sock sliding was going to peak with your performance?
Anyways, I just wanted to show some support and let you know that I will be the first one on line for MI3. People think you are crazy because you're a Scientologist, but that's because they're overlooking the fact that you were probably nuts WAY before you ever joined that cult.
Still a fan,
kerowack
P.S. If anyone ever doubts your sanity again, show them the picture I've included with the letter. It won't change their mind, but it's a pretty awesome shot. ¶ 5:02 AM
Dear Mr. Cruise,
Jumping on a fat woman's couch? Pointing a finger and exposing the glibness of a balding morning talk show host? I'm willing to put all of that behind us because your zest for life and your fragile grasp on the concept of "cool" somehow makes you...very, very cool.
Yesterday, I overheard another conversation (sparked by a trashy supermarket tabloid) between two women and apparently, Mr. Tom, neither one is ever going to pay to see one of your movies again (but, in her defense, the fat one looked like a lil' closet pirate anyways). Still, I find their lack of faith deserving and at the very least, they owe you the benefit of the doubt. I mean, you were the coolest back in the early 80s when Risky Business and Top Gun were soaring through the theaters. It's not your fault, that in retrospect, the windmill high five is incredibly uncool and how were you supposed to know that half-nude sock sliding was going to peak with your performance?
Anyways, I just wanted to show some support and let you know that I will be the first one on line for MI3. People think you are crazy because you're a Scientologist, but that's because they're overlooking the fact that you were probably nuts WAY before you ever joined that cult.
Still a fan,
kerowack
P.S. If anyone ever doubts your sanity again, show them the picture I've included with the letter. It won't change their mind, but it's a pretty awesome shot. ¶ 5:02 AM
