Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I think it's time for me to lay off of the internet and videogames for a while (even if I am about to embark on an allnight NCAA Football 2006 marathon). Despite my girlfriend saying similar things to me for the past few months, (years even), it didn't hit me until I was standing in the middle of a grocery store today with four mentally handicapped men at my side (one of whom was only moments away from knocking down a carefully assembled castle of hamburger rolls).
These weren't four random mentally retarded me either...they were MY four mentally retarded men (who I work with happily each and every weeknight). The funny thing is that one of them really looks like popeye and one of them really looks like Wimpy and the minute those rolls dropped I swear the one who looked like Wimpy got a little teary eyed (or panicky....he was the one to knock down that carefully assembled display).
Anyway, back to why I must leave the internet and all of it's jargon behind me....So there I was picking up spilled packages of hamburger rolls and trying to calm poor ol' wimpy down when I see it. A stupid plastic container full of barbecue sauce. I pass by barbecue sauce all of the time and never think anything of it, but today (and this is the truth) I thought "OMFG BBQSAUCE!!!!!!!!11111. Now a NORMAL person would see it and go, "hmm, that would be delicious on a steak or with chicken nuggets" or maybe even, "Yuck. Barbecue Sauce.", but not me....I'm thinking about how it's become a part of message board spam.
Barbecue sauce and spam? There's got to be something to that combo....
Anyway, Is there going to be a day where instead of laughing at a coworkers joke I'm just going to start shouting, "LOL! LOL!"? Am I going to welcome the screams of a newborn son by telling him to "STFU NOOB!"? Hell, I'm slightly upset when I happen to catch the mailman at the door and he doesn't respond "You've got mail." and instead just hands it to me and tells me to "have a good one". HAVE A GOOD ONE? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE MAILMAN? If I keep it up, my funeral will only be attended by crying emoticons and the excess hotmail "penis enlargement" spam.
And as far as videogames go, I've only got this. There is no need for my girlfriend to know that I beat Duke 84-7 in the second game of my Virginia Tech dynasty, but you know what? I told her none the less.
Oh, and I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today..... ¶ 5:53 PM
These weren't four random mentally retarded me either...they were MY four mentally retarded men (who I work with happily each and every weeknight). The funny thing is that one of them really looks like popeye and one of them really looks like Wimpy and the minute those rolls dropped I swear the one who looked like Wimpy got a little teary eyed (or panicky....he was the one to knock down that carefully assembled display).
Anyway, back to why I must leave the internet and all of it's jargon behind me....So there I was picking up spilled packages of hamburger rolls and trying to calm poor ol' wimpy down when I see it. A stupid plastic container full of barbecue sauce. I pass by barbecue sauce all of the time and never think anything of it, but today (and this is the truth) I thought "OMFG BBQSAUCE!!!!!!!!11111. Now a NORMAL person would see it and go, "hmm, that would be delicious on a steak or with chicken nuggets" or maybe even, "Yuck. Barbecue Sauce.", but not me....I'm thinking about how it's become a part of message board spam.
Barbecue sauce and spam? There's got to be something to that combo....
Anyway, Is there going to be a day where instead of laughing at a coworkers joke I'm just going to start shouting, "LOL! LOL!"? Am I going to welcome the screams of a newborn son by telling him to "STFU NOOB!"? Hell, I'm slightly upset when I happen to catch the mailman at the door and he doesn't respond "You've got mail." and instead just hands it to me and tells me to "have a good one". HAVE A GOOD ONE? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE MAILMAN? If I keep it up, my funeral will only be attended by crying emoticons and the excess hotmail "penis enlargement" spam.
And as far as videogames go, I've only got this. There is no need for my girlfriend to know that I beat Duke 84-7 in the second game of my Virginia Tech dynasty, but you know what? I told her none the less.
Oh, and I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today..... ¶ 5:53 PM
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Whenever an online acquaintance talks about death, I always wonder how I'll know if and when they die. I doubt it will be a high priority for a loved one to log onto their computer to try and notify all of their e-friends. Mostly likely, they'll just stop posting one day and I'll never hear from them again. Maybe we should all have e-wills, listing those e-people who should be notified, and in what manner. Then there's the matter of e-property. Who will get my kick-ass, silver-dyed, max damage dragon sword when I'm gone?
If you died tomorrow, I'd make my first trip to N.Y. for your funeral (assuming of course that I even knew about your death), but hopefully we'll meet before then.
I guess my point is, the internet isn't fake. These people really exist (except eakid, he's probably a spam bot of some sort). Everything in moderation is probably good advice here, as it is in most instances, but NEVER STOP POSTING!
- FFB
P.S. Great blog so far. Keep up the good work.
If you died tomorrow, I'd make my first trip to N.Y. for your funeral (assuming of course that I even knew about your death), but hopefully we'll meet before then.
I guess my point is, the internet isn't fake. These people really exist (except eakid, he's probably a spam bot of some sort). Everything in moderation is probably good advice here, as it is in most instances, but NEVER STOP POSTING!
- FFB
P.S. Great blog so far. Keep up the good work.
I've got both my brother and my girlfriend under orders to post at TGF and to notify everyone on my hotmail friends list in the even that I die.
That being said...this is kero's brother...
LOLLERS?
That being said...this is kero's brother...
LOLLERS?
I just wanted to drop a line and say that your blog is great. Most blogs are so angry or political or all about food and how to cook it, but not yours. Yours is great.
Am I going to welcome the screams of a newborn son by telling him to "STFU NOOB!"?
This made me laugh so hard.
SD makes me cry.
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This made me laugh so hard.
SD makes me cry.
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